This is the third post in a series on improving your learning from A to Z.
“Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” Samuel Johnson
Believing in you is another foundational component of learning. If you don’t believe in yourself, it’s hard to grow and learn.
Like knowledge, confidence can’t be transferred. The person that needs to believe in you, is you. This is not about motivation, tenacity or drive it’s about believing that you can do it.
You can do it!
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval” Mark Twain
There are two kinds of confidence, self-confidence and confidence in others. We’ll focus on self-confidence.
Merriam Webster defines the term confidence as “a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something.” Let’s break this definition apart.
- “A feeling” – an emotional state.
- Or belief” – something that you accept as true.
- “That you” – these feelings and what you accept as true are happening inside of you.
- “Can do something well or succeed at something” – whatever it it that you’re doing or thinking about doing, you can do it well. Notice that it says “something”, it doesn’t say everything. We’ll talk more about this later.
This means that how well you think you can or can’t do something is true, at least inside of you. It doesn’t say anything about external or tangible items. So, it’s not about whether you have or have not:
- Graduated from High School or College
- Started a company
- Collected many followers on your social media accounts
- Scored high on an IQ test
It’s about whether or not you think you can do something. I’m not criticizing the achievements above, I’m saying that to believe you can learn something doesn’t mean you have to have any of these items.
This self confidence becomes the foundation that helps when times are challenging. When those challenging times arrive, your self-confidence helps keep you going because you trust yourself and know that it will be OK.
Signs of Confidence
“Your life is the fruit of your own doing. You have no one to blame but yourself.” Joseph Campbell
Below are some signs of low self-confidence confidence. Do any of these feel familiar?
If you regularly:
- Need to over explain
- Are indecisive and second guess when you do make a decision
- Cover up your mistakes
- Are defensive
- Can’t accept compliments
- Modify your behavior based on what others think
If some of these resonate with you, try to figure out if it happens regularly or only in certain situations? If it’s intermittent, it may be a particular situation that triggers low confidence.
Improving Your Self-Confidence
“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” M. Scott Peck
If you identified with the low confidence signs, here are 8 tips to help you improve your self-confidence. The key to improving your confidence is to take action.
- Comparing yourself to others – there will always be someone is smarter or better than you at something or many things. Get over this now, it’s only eating away at your own progress and self confidence. On the flip side, you will always be smarter or better at something that other someone else. So what? Thinking you’re better than others can make you over confident. Just focus on yourself.
- Negative self-talk – be positive. There’s a quote from William Shakespeare that “there is nothing either good or bad but thinking that makes it so.” You’re in charge of how you view something and the thoughts in your head make a big impact on how you feel and perceive the world. If you can make these thoughts more positive, it will make you feel better about yourself.
- Second guessing your decisions – when you make a decision, don’t worry what others think. If it turns out to be the wrong decision, learn from this and incorporate into your thinking in your next decision. Isn’t this what you’re trying to accomplish (i.e., learning)? The more decisions you make, the easier they become.
- Trying to be perfect - if nobody has told you, it’s OK to not be perfect. You’re not perfect and neither am I. Part of the learning process is to try new things that have the possibility of failing or have a different result than expected. That’s the point – you will learn and grow from that experience. You have weaknesses and so does Superman! So, give yourself a break.
- Exercising- releases endorphins that make you feel good and helps make your body look better. It doesn’t mean you have to become a bodybuilder or train for a marathon. Even a brisk walk can increase endorphins. Just get out there a few times a week and exercise for 20-30 minutes. This “good feeling” will seep into other parts of your life as well.
- Dressing well – what you wear can make a big difference in how you feel. You will be thinking about what you’re wearing more than anyone else. So, put on something nice or something that makes you comfortable and be done with it. This will free up more of your mental capacity for other things that are most important to you.
- Embracing the unknown - get out there and take action. If you’re staying comfortable and not pushing yourself to the edges of discomfort, you won’t grow. The more you do go to the edges, the more comfortable (and confident) you become. As James Altucher says, “The only truly safe thing you can do is to try over and over again. To go for it, to get rejected, to repeat, to strive, to wish. Without rejection there is no frontier, there is no passion, and there is no magic.”
- Watching your body language – you can feel more powerful in 2 minutes by assuming the “power pose.” In this TED video, Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy explains that powerful people have higher levels of testosterone (dominance hormone) and lower levels of cortisol (stress hormone).
- In her video she shows how you can increase testosterone and decrease cortisol in 2 minutes by assuming the “power pose”.